4 posts tagged “coach”

Clearly an aspiring coach needs to have the necessary communication and relationship skills required to be effective. These include obvious skills such as active listening, good observation, self-awareness, questioning, summarising, empathy and rapport building.

The role of an effective coach also requires some less obvious characteristics that I encourage an aspiring coach to consider such as:-
•    An appropriate level of self-confidence
•    Not needing to have an answer all of the time
•    Suspending of judgement and the ability to let coachees go their own way
•    The balance of support and encouragement
•    Ability to handle and use emotionality
•    Ability to be honest, clear and direct
•    Understanding of complexity and organisational politics
•    Ability to deal with the coachee’s “whole life”.
•    Ability to deal with ambiguity and uncertainty
•    Taking accurate notes whilst also actively listening

Being a coach can be a lonely and exposed place to be. You are usually face to face and alone with your coachee for up to 2 – 3 hours and there is no escape or obvious help at hand from anyone else. You are your own resource and you maker the best use of your skills, experience and personality. A coaching technique is important and helpful but it is only a guide to the flow of your coaching conversations. These attributes can only really be learned by experience and I explain this to potential coachees in order to help them to understand the reality that faces them as a coach. Not everyone is suited to doing this work and even fewer people are very good at it.
 
Going on a training course and practicing and learning with others is a good aid to understanding and getting started but it is not as important as getting the right experience and having access to an experienced coach to bounce any areas of difficulty off. Many of these training courses are based around telephone coaching which does have its value and place – but in my view it is only a supplement and nothing like the real thing – face to face sessions. If the person who has asked for my advice is still interested to pursue coaching after this explanation then they do so with my encouragement and I wish them every success with their learning. Hopefully they will progress forward with both eyes and ears open and with their one mouth mainly shut!
 

It should be helpful to the coachee, the coach and the Organisation for there to be someone inside the Organisation who cares about the coachee benefiting from the coaching process. Clearly the coachee must be committed and motivated to achieve a positive and effective outcome for themselves or the whole process will not be worthwhile. In most coaching relationships this is already the case but in some others it is not. In some coaching assignments that I have been involved in the coachee is their own sponsor and this has usually worked very well. These have usually been chief executives, directors or owner managers of their businesses who have perceived the need, owned the budget to finance the sessions and found me as the coach that they have wanted to work with. They have usually been committed to the COACH’ing process and have their own self generated goals and objectives that they have worked on with me. The only disadvantage of this dual role is that they may not have a good personal monitoring system and the objectivity provided by someone else in the Organisation outside our coaching relationship who cares about their learning progress and performance as it relates to the coaching work. In these coaching relationships it puts more emphasis on me as the coach to look out for indicators that demonstrate whether the coachee really is learning and acting, to encourage them to reflect on their progress and to look for feedback from other sources eg their Board or their marketplace. I also need to be careful not to make these coaching relationships too friendly and comfortable or to collude with them and become overly sympathetic.

The role of the sponsor in these coaching relationships is to understand about the coachee and their circumstances, to see what the potential learning and development outcomes are for them that would benefit the organisation and to have a view about how and why coaching would be an appropriate solution for them. It also helps if they have a budget to fund the coaching, care about the coachee achieving a positive outcome and bother to take an appropriate interest in the process as it progresses. They often help by providing objective measurement indicators to demonstrate progress and performance – especially if the coachee understands and buys in to them!

Where the sponsor sometimes plays an unhelpful role in this coaching process is when they think that they can use a coach to get the coachee to do or to be something covertly that they have not openly explained to the coachee. This places the coach in the role of attempting to manipulate the coachee into a way of thinking or acting that they are not aware of or committed to. If you believe that this is the sponsor’s agenda in the early stages of the briefing process then it is your responsibility to bring these objectives out onto the surface and to check with the coachee whether or not they understand, agree with and want to work to achieve the sponsor’s objectives.

Inevitably we take our personality along with us into any coaching relationship. We cannot avoid this unless we decide to behave or act in a way that is fundamentally different fro our core personality.

I recognise that in preparing for and particularly when conducting coaching sessions then some of my senses and behaviours are heightened. I will actively listen more. I will really think about the coachee’s response, what it might mean and where to go next with the conversation. I will ask them the very best questions that I assess will help them think more deeply and clearly. I will carefully observe their body language for signs that indicate how they are thinking and feeling. I will work hard to suspend my judgement, remain open minded and block out thoughts about my own world and situation. In short I will “give them a good listening to” as someone once described it back to me.

I will also be direct and honest with any feedback to them or responses to their questions of me. I will not infer things or drop hints in the hope that they will “get it” and work it out for themselves. I will also admit it if and when I have got lost in the discussion or when I am unsure about an answer to a question. I sometimes admit that and come back later with a more considered opinion.

However I will not suspend or deny my own personality. I will express things as I normally would and use plain language. I will react, laugh smile or look quizzical in my normal way. I will bring my natural personality “to the coaching party” and act in an authentic way. I do this because it is me, it demonstrates integrity and because I would not be comfortable doing it in any other way. After all we expect our coachees to be honest with themselves and with us so we should be modelling and demonstrating the way for them.

If my natural approach and personality does not work for someone and they don’t understand or appreciate my approach then I am not the coach for them. This is regrettable but fine by me and I explain this to them at the initial coaching meeting and I invite them to consider my appropriateness as a coach for them. I would rather that they opted out at this early stage if they feel that I am wrong for them than to soldier on through a number of sessions when they have not bought in to me and my approach. In practice this has rarely but occasionally happens.

The first thing for us to do as coaches is to recognise that we have one and to guard against letting it get in the way of our objectivity, focus of attention, or support for our coaching subject. We are there for their benefit and not for ours!

The danger signs are - if we find ourselves telling anecdotes from our experience which have little or no relevance let alone benefit for the coachee and their agenda or circumstances. If we find that we are drifting off mentally and thinking our own thoughts, rather than focusing on the coachee’s issues and environment then we have our attention in the wrong place. This can happen to us quite unwittingly and we need to be on our guard to watch out for it. If we find ourselves judging the person, wondering how they could possibly have got themselves into such a situation and why on earth they cannot just do the simple thing that we would do to solve their problem or resolve their situation, then we are thinking more about ourselves than about them.

It is equally dangerous if we over-empathise with them and their situation and as a result lose our objectivity and ability to challenge them and their thinking. If our empathy extends too far and if we fins ourselves being overly sympathetic then the chances are that we are identifying too much with their situation. We need to check that we are standing alongside the person that we are coaching and helping them as an equal rather than treating them as a “controlling parent” might, as described in Eric Berne’s excellent work on Transactional Analysis.

Another question to ask ourselves is “why are we doing this work as a coach”?

Now I realise that there are a number of answers to this related to earning a living and to it being a natural career step from where we were before. However if we are embarking on this coaching work for personal status, position and to look big and superior in the eyes of our peers and coaching subjects then I suggest that we may going into it for the wrong reasons.
Of course we need to acknowledge and understand that we do all have our own egos to attend to and deal with – but as long as we recognise this and find other areas of our lives where they can be massaged and put first then we should be able to maintain the focus of our coaching work on the right person, the coachee and not on ourselves.